Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
