I haven't been this sober since birth.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
