So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
