he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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