I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
