my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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