Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
