I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
