Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
