i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
