I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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