Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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