you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
