I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
