Sponge bath it is.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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