i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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