No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
