Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
