If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
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going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
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At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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