A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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