I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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