I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
