He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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