You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
