True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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