So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
