dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
