I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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