Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It's blow job season.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
