You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
