Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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