Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
