The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize
