i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
