She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
