end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
