Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
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