Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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