Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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