you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
