Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Randomize
