remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
