Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
