So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
