I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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