Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
