I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
