Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
