You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
