you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
