We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
