I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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