i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
