I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
