OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
