He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
