I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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