Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
