I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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