Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
