i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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