I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
