No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
