We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
