i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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