I skipped work to stalk him.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize