Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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