people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
