At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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