did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
