hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
this will be a night to untag.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
My vagina is officially offended.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
