My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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