Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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