dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
