so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
