She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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